I know my blog is dedicated to bike riding, but something has happened in my life and I need an outlet – at least for the time being.
My mom has breast cancer.
The journey is only beginning. She’s gone through several tests, consultations, emotions – you name it. She’s a strong woman and is doing really well so far. Luckily, she caught it early: only Stage 1 we believe. Caught on a regular mammogram. Now, the journey through treatment begins.
Because the doctors believe it hasn’t traveled to lymph nodes yet (one more test to go) then it should be treated with a lumpectomy and 6 weeks of radiation and bam. Done, pending follow-ups.
All that said, we all know cancer is so unpredictable – so of course there is no way of knowing what is going to happen here. But I have to remain positive and hope that this will be it and we can be done with it. Genetic testing also showed negative on the dozens of genes, so that’s also amazing news for the rest of the family and greatly reduces the likelihood of it coming back.
All this to say, I feel like I’m in this weird place. I don’t know what to do. I’m always horrible about this kind of thing. I always think that everything is going to be fine, and nothing bad will happen in life as a general rule. So often, I am wrong and by the time I’m wrong I’ve wasted so much time and then try to make up for that. I suppose it’s just denial or the thought of “it’s not a big deal” – that’s the best way to describe what I’m going through at this point. At first, I was afraid of what to do or say. Didn’t know what to say if I was to call her just to check on her. We have a great relationship, but honestly text more than anything it seems. Of course I call her on her birthday, Mother’s Day and the like – but for the most part, text is how we communicate when I’m not visiting her.
So, I’m having to get out of my denial comfort zone and that’s totally new for me. I went to visit her already a couple weeks ago and was really glad I did. The look on her face was affirmation of that, no doubt! She was happy as she always is to see me, but also had a look of relief – which felt like I was doing the right thing. I’ll be going to see her this coming week for her lumpectomy surgery five days from now. I say I’m in denial, but my mom reminds me that it’s real – most recently when she sent a picture of some very cute family cancer t-shirts, asking if we wanted to get them as a group. I asked myself “why would I…oh…”
As I said when I started writing this, I am so confused as to what to do. She’s not posted anything to Facebook, so I’m not going to either. She’s a somewhat private person so I want to respect that – figured I could post this here with minimal blowback of anyone knowing without doing some digging. I’d ask if you know who I am, please be respectful and not gossip about it.
I’m going to end this entry now.