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A new car!

No, I didn’t get a car lol. This is about something a little different – I just didn’t want a depressing title for this entry.

When you get exciting news like this from someone you love, your first instinct is to share it with someone that also knows the person, right? You don’t go and tell strangers that your nephew got his first car. I mean, they may be excited but at the same time, people get cars all the time. It matters more when people know the story about your family and better yet, know your family.

So as you guessed it, my nephew got his first car lol. I’m super excited for him because I remember that feeling. The feeling of freedom when you waited SO long for that freedom. Being able to go anywhere you want, pick up your friends, go out for a Sonic drink, go to a party, or maybe even get into a little bit of trouble (c’mon you all know how that goes).

Tonight when I got this news, I thought of some people to share it with – but aside from other family members that already know this news, I thought of my ex. The man I shared 15 years of my life with – and honestly if my nephew is of driving age now, also knew him as he grew up. I decided to send the text with an exciting message, and immediately thought to myself – does he even care about this? Is he just going to roll his eyes and think, why in the world are you sharing this with me? Is the message going to be an annoyance?

As I expected, he had a very kind reply. It just feels weird…and yes, I got emotional about this silly exchange.

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Change

As I start to write, I think to myself – is this even the right place for these types of personal thoughts? I mean, I started this blog to document my cycling and now it’s morphed into more than that. I’ve deliberately avoided posting personal “life” stuff here, but seems I need an outlet for that too. Instead of creating another blog, you’ll just have to deal with it. You’re welcome! Ha.

Well, it should come as no surprise that a lot has happened since I last wrote here. I mean hell, that was March 2021 and now we’re headed into Christmas season. Where did the year go? Seems like we just skipped over 2020 and rolled into a rebound of a mess for 2021. *Takes sip of tea*

I’ve had a pretty tough 2021. I learned a lot about myself. I learned what I wanted from my life. I learned that I was living a lifestyle that was unsustainable. Some of this I learned all on my own; some with the help of some good people. It all started with the phrase “Happy people don’t do what you’re doing.”

I’d heard similar things before, but usually said out of jealousy, sarcasm, envy and the like. But this time it was different. Probably because it was coming from someone I respected, trusted and was very smart. I didn’t say much in the moment, but that set several reflections in motion for the months to come. The months following were full of deep thought, tears, fear, stress, and several other emotions. All this had everything to do with me and my marriage…was it still right? Was I ever going to be able to get what I wanted out of that relationship? Did I even know how to articulate what I needed or had I been doing that wrong for years?

Fast forward a bit and I decided I needed to talk to someone. Someone without bias that could give me a truly objective opinion. So I sought out a therapist – which if you haven’t ever had a therapist, now that I have one, I’d highly recommend it. After a couple of discussions and homework assignments, I realized that I needed to take control of my life. A life that had been spiraling out of control for the last few years if we’re being totally honest. After several discussions with my therapist and others in my support system, I knew it was time to make a change. A change for myself – and my own life. I needed to ask for a divorce from the man I’d spent the last 15 years of my life with.

What’s funny is that going into all of this, I was most concerned with his feelings and how he would react to such a request. My main concern was to not inflict pain or hurt on him, without really thinking too much about the pain I’d inflict on myself as a result. It’s not a contest, but I’d say that I wound up more hurt in all of this – but that’s just because I do my best to live out my life like a Hallmark movie, so that’s totally my bad.

It’s probably the ‘planner’ in me, but I knew if I was going to make this change, I needed to do it soon before I had a total meltdown. I didn’t want to roll into the holiday season where families eagerly await their loved ones to show up at their door to celebrate their love for each other. I wasn’t sure when I was going to do it, but after going to a wedding, that’s all I needed. By the way, if you’re ever unsure of the fate of your relationship, go to a wedding and just see how you feel after. Things are pretty clear when you do something like that.

The weekend following the wedding, I sat down with my husband and told him how I’d felt and even still had a difficult time uttering the words to end the relationship. He had to say them for me, asking if that’s what I wanted. I cried. Hard. It hurt so much. It’s really difficult to share your honest feelings when you’ve suppressed them for so long, especially with someone you love.

After the conversation, I got up and left the room to pack a bag. While packing, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Pale as a dead man is how I’d describe my appearance. I don’t think I have ever looked worse in my life – and that’s not an exaggeration at all. Once packed, I walked around the house like a zombie until I left the house. I looked in the living room to see what he was doing. He was on Facebook. Fucking Facebook. Whatever.

A couple days later we sat down again to talk. It was a very calm and civil conversation, we were really good at those honestly. That’s when we decided to go our separate ways in the most fair and respectful way possible. The split was fair and pretty smooth, all things considered. The divorce was final within a month and a half of the first conversation and the house was sold at the same time. He’s now living in a duplex in Kansas and I’m in an apartment about 10 miles south of where we lived. I’m in a new city I’ve never lived in, nor spent much time at all in, so that’s a new experience for sure. I’ll get used to it soon enough but getting my own apartment in order has been a greater challenge than I imagined. I was used to someone taking care of me for the last 15 years. So doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, decorating…I wasn’t quite prepared for that. But I’ve done it…well not totally done yet, but am doing it I should say. Still need a couple of pieces of furniture then I can really dig in to wall art and other decor to make this place my own, fully.

Aside from being an emotional human, you may be wondering why I decided to write tonight. I got two cards in the mail today: one from my brother and one from my cousin; both letting me know that they are thinking of me and love me, which brought me to tears. Perhaps because I was caught off guard in thinking they were going to be Christmas cards, or perhaps the fact that they took the time to get a card, write in it, and mail it. In 2021 that’s not something that happens every day.

I do have some good things happening in my life, but I’ll save that for another time.

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Nothing Beats Family

I know I haven’t written in quite a while. I was just texting a friend and was explaining why I thought that was – my mom’s cancer diagnosis then shortly after her last treatment in January, COVID happened. What a year it’s been.

Something else I was just thinking as I texted that friend was – nothing replaces family. I’ve learned that the hard way this past year. Also realizing that I’ve taken my amazing family for granted unintentionally.

Days after my last blog entry, my godfather/uncle died. Uncle Joe. It wasn’t COVID we don’t think, but he quite literally dropped dead one morning as he was getting ready for work. Joe was like me – said what he thought (ok probably more than I do lol) was always running late to wherever he was supposed to be, and could make anyone laugh – even though it may be at your expense!

Something strangers wouldn’t know about Joe is what a heart of gold he had. He was such a good person and would do anything for you. He was also compassionate and believed that everyone was special and important. His baby sister, Sue, had downs syndrome. He never treated her differently, which I know aggravated her lol. Everyone always catered to Sue and would make sure she was always happy and taken care of. Joe on the other hand would be like “Sue, go get it yourself” or “Are your legs broken? Did you even work today? I’m tired – why don’t you go get us a couple of beers”. For a long time I was like, ‘why is he so mean to her?’ but then I realized that’s how he showed that he loved her.

For a long time I was intimidated by Joe. He was a country boy, through and through. Hearing his stories of the fights he got into as a kid made me think, I don’t ever wanna cross him lol. So, I never came out to him or talked about my sexuality. Of course he and the rest of the family figured it out once I told my parents and brought boyfriends to holiday gatherings. Here was the shocker: aside from my parents, siblings and their spouses, Joe and his wife Sandi were the only ones that attended my wedding reception. It was planned to be a small wedding reception anyway, so didn’t expect the almost 100 family members to show up, but I did want my aunts and uncles there…but others didn’t show, and even said some very hurtful things in declining the invite which made me realize how unaccepting they were at probably the worst time to tell me that. Side note: don’t tell your nephew that you’ve been praying for me and that you wouldn’t be attending because you don’t agree with my “lifestyle”. At least if you do tell him that, give him a clue of where you stand before he gets married. There are tons of other times to bring that shit up.

So, the point of rambling about my wedding reception and Joe’s attendance is – he was so open-minded. He didn’t care that I was gay and was actually being supportive by showing up. Of course the day of the reception was crazy and I didn’t have time to really reflect on that at the time. My dad told me later how cool it was that Joe came, going on and on about how much Joe loved me and how he wasn’t judgmental. That really stuck with me. Sometimes you just have to have someone tell you the obvious when you don’t see it for yourself, you know?

So, back to April 2020. Joe had passed away. I didn’t attend the funeral because we stilll knew so little about COVID and I couldn’t bare the thought of potentially getting someone sick if I was asymptomatic…especially my own mother. I stayed home and mourned via a Zoom funeral which was just brutal.

In June, my siblings (with approval of my parents) said “screw this” and got together for a week with my parents at their house in Oklahoma. Luckily, no one got sick and that all ended well. It was great to see family and be able to hug my parents. I won’t forget when I saw my dad, I hugged him and he thanked me for coming, and started to cry. My dad is an emotional person, but not that emotional. I was just as happy to see him, but it goes to show how hard the pandemic had been on all of us over the course of just 3 months. That was the last time I got to hug my mom, dad, or any of my family. June 2020.

We didn’t have a family Thanksgiving, Christmas, or annual tradition of celebrating my brothers’ January birthdays that while years apart, are only a day apart on the calendar. Everything has been Zoom.

Then late January my aunt Sue died. I cried out of mourning, then cried out of anger. In that moment I realized I’d never ‘angry cried’ before. A good friend told me I was lucky for that. No one should have to lose a loved one during a pandemic like this. It isn’t fair. That is a time when families should be together, love on each other and support each other. I said “screw COVID” and went to the funeral, masked up with hand sanitizer in tow. My family has several nurses and so it was a definitely a COVID-safe funeral. Assigned seating at the church with masks, no hugging as hard as it was, no after service gathering. I was able to visit Joe’s grave after Sue’s burial so that was good but made grieving that day a little harder at the end.

The vaccine has finally started to become available to the rest of the country, not just health care workers. My parents and husband are both fully vaccinated and I get my second shot on March 22! I’m going home to see my parents on March 20 and I cannot wait. I miss them so much and cannot wait to hug and kiss them again. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live 40 min away and see them often so they will join us too. I’m absolutely thrilled!

It’s finally the start to a new normal. I never in my life would have thought this is how 2020 and the start of 2021 would go, but am thankful to be turning a corner.

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COVID-19 cancels vacations and rides

Where to even start here. The coronavirus has taken over the US, as if that’s news to anyone by this point. I’ve worked from home for two weeks now and just SO thankful to have a job, am healthy and able to work.

I have always like spending time with friends, but now that we are all homebound, that is a bit more difficult. FaceTime, Zoom and Skype are now our only reasonable way to safely connect with friends and family. I’m just hoping that everyone else is taking this seriously. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that is not the case.

CDC now says people should be wearing masks, so don’t worry about me I’ve ordered two online as soon as that news came out. Figured that sure, I have things around here that could function as one, but figured I needed to have some extras. This is going to be goin on for a while. I wish I felt that the world would be back to normal (for the US at least) in a week or two, but unfortunately there’s no way that’s true. It’ll likely be June before we get to any real sense of normalcy.

It’s unfortunate because the AIDS/Lifecycle ride was scheduled to be the first week of June. I actually wasn’t going to ride this year in lieu of going on a beach trip with my parents and the rest of our family. Now it’s looking like that isn’t going to happen either. Sounds like most of my vacation time is going to be spent here at the house, in the back yard. Luckily I have a pool – they will be coming in a few days to open it up. If only I had a pool heater! I may have to look into having one of those installed if we don’t get some good sun to warm it up.

That said, I do plan to do the ride in 2021! I’ll just have to talk my mom into picking a different week for a family vacation. I think that’s going to be difficult since that’s also the week of their wedding anniversary.

Anyhow, I don’t know why I wrote this – just felt it had been too long since I wrote. Maybe I just need a nap.

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The Big C

I know my blog is dedicated to bike riding, but something has happened in my life and I need an outlet – at least for the time being.

My mom has breast cancer.

The journey is only beginning. She’s gone through several tests, consultations, emotions – you name it. She’s a strong woman and is doing really well so far. Luckily, she caught it early: only Stage 1 we believe. Caught on a regular mammogram. Now, the journey through treatment begins.

Because the doctors believe it hasn’t traveled to lymph nodes yet (one more test to go) then it should be treated with a lumpectomy and 6 weeks of radiation and bam. Done, pending follow-ups.

All that said, we all know cancer is so unpredictable – so of course there is no way of knowing what is going to happen here. But I have to remain positive and hope that this will be it and we can be done with it. Genetic testing also showed negative on the dozens of genes, so that’s also amazing news for the rest of the family and greatly reduces the likelihood of it coming back.

All this to say, I feel like I’m in this weird place. I don’t know what to do. I’m always horrible about this kind of thing. I always think that everything is going to be fine, and nothing bad will happen in life as a general rule. So often, I am wrong and by the time I’m wrong I’ve wasted so much time and then try to make up for that. I suppose it’s just denial or the thought of “it’s not a big deal” – that’s the best way to describe what I’m going through at this point. At first, I was afraid of what to do or say. Didn’t know what to say if I was to call her just to check on her. We have a great relationship, but honestly text more than anything it seems. Of course I call her on her birthday, Mother’s Day and the like – but for the most part, text is how we communicate when I’m not visiting her.

So, I’m having to get out of my denial comfort zone and that’s totally new for me. I went to visit her already a couple weeks ago and was really glad I did. The look on her face was affirmation of that, no doubt! She was happy as she always is to see me, but also had a look of relief – which felt like I was doing the right thing. I’ll be going to see her this coming week for her lumpectomy surgery five days from now. I say I’m in denial, but my mom reminds me that it’s real – most recently when she sent a picture of some very cute family cancer t-shirts, asking if we wanted to get them as a group. I asked myself “why would I…oh…”

As I said when I started writing this, I am so confused as to what to do. She’s not posted anything to Facebook, so I’m not going to either. She’s a somewhat private person so I want to respect that – figured I could post this here with minimal blowback of anyone knowing without doing some digging. I’d ask if you know who I am, please be respectful and not gossip about it.

I’m going to end this entry now.

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I Got A Lot Right This Time

So, I just completed AIDS/Lifecycle 2019! Yep – my second year at it. It doesn’t even really seem like it happened since it went by so, so fast. This year, emotionally, I was much more relaxed during the ride. I felt like I could actually enjoy myself. I knew how everything worked, where I was supposed to be, and learned from my mistakes from last year.

For those of you that don’t know, last year I was hangry. A lot. Like, all the time. I felt like I was just a total bitch, if I may be so candid. I was also tired and looked the part as well. Let’s call it, I looked like shit lol. I didn’t look like a human being until I’d slept for about 12-15 hours after the ride was over. I was just so, so exhausted from not making sure I got 7ish hours of sleep every night in 2018. Most of the time I was getting 4-5 hours maybe 6…and then riding 70-90 miles a day. All that combined was a recipe for disaster.

So this year, my mission was to do the ride again and get more sleep and eat a lot more. Sounds like a simple goal, but it really took a lot of focus. Believe it or not, I feel I accomplished that 110%!! It’s amazing how much different you feel when you’re taking in the right number of calories and getting almost 7 hours of sleep every night. I feel like I need to remind you though, we had to be up around 4 or 4:15am every day, so I feel like getting more than 6 hours of sleep was a chore but man did it make a huge difference. Also, the food. I felt like I was able to actually ENJOY food this year…and appreciate it. Don’t get it twisted, the rest stops were full of calorie-loaded junk: pop tarts, pretzels, goldfish, boiled eggs (those were actually really good!) fruit snacks, bananas; just to name some of my go-tos. I also was way more efficient getting in and out of rest stops to stay on schedule. My overall health was just SO much better this year! Can’t say enough about that.

That said, this was a totally crap year for training. The weather was horrible and I was only able to get out on the bike about half as much as I wanted to – compound that and how life and work get in the way, it was a recipe that made me really, really nervous. I definitely survived the ride, but not without a couple of painful knees and a shin splint. I was a sad-looking creature at the airport trying to get home. My friend Strobl made an Instagram story of me walking through the airport. Goodness, someone should have gotten me a wheelchair. Not really, but it did look pretty pathetic. My spirits were high enough to get me home though. That and the use of BenGay for the first time in my life.

The thing that surprised me last year, was I felt like I didn’t remember that much from the ride. I got home, and as you can see, I only blogged for four days of the ride. The other three were a blur. As I rode the route this year, I realized something: the days are so long and I was so hungry and exhausted, it was all running together. This year, I vividly remember riding on Day 2 and thinking to myself…’wait, I think I wrote about this being Day 3 on my blog’. LOL. So, while the blogs form 2018 are definitely true, just realize that all of it ran together and I most certainly got some of the things wrong as far as when it happened. Stay tuned for a blog that will summarize the ride, itself!

I could easily keep going on and on, but I have to say – I’m really proud of myself and how much better I felt after the ride this year. I’ll be taking a break from ALC in 2020 – I just need to focus on life, home, husband and all that. Of course I’ll support my friends riding next year in their fundraising efforts (lord knows I’ll save about $2,000 by not doing the ride)! I already know I’m going to miss it next year, but will certainly be back. I plan to find some less-training intensive rides in the area (there are some good ones in Little Rock, Tulsa and other areas that are only a few hours away vs. having to buy a plane ticket). So keep your eye out for those adventures!

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Day 4 – Rough Start but Well Rested and Halfway to LA

As I mentioned in my previous blog from Day 3, I woke up to a bit of a surprise. I was well rested and ready to take on the day. Got 7.5 hours of sleep, which was record-setting for the week. Got up, got around and packed, Munoz and I got on the shuttle from the hotel back to camp to have breakfast and for the first time in days, I felt really good.

Well, I felt really good until it was time to roll out. I got to bike parking and my front tire was flat. I’m talkin’ all the air was gone, hanging off the rim, sealant all over the grass, flat. Never fear, though. I had a spare tube! I rolled my bike over to the mechanic tent for them to work on it for me and after about 10 minutes realized that the tube I’d bought didn’t include a stem long enough to work. The mechanic had to sell me a tube they had on hand for a swap out. My friends were patient and kind enough to wait for me to get my bike fixed up and then we rolled out. Wasn’t the best way to start the day – kinda killed the momentum. One thing I did appreciate though – even though the previous night was a rough with my disagreement with Munoz, he cared and waited for me. Part of me wished he wouldn’t have because I felt I didn’t deserve such kindness after how I’d talked to him, but another part felt so appreciative that he didn’t just abandon me to ride on my own. Anyhow, I got my life together and got rolling.

This day had another emotional moment – the halfway point! As you can assume, this is Day 4 of a seven day ride, which means the halfway point hits somewhat early in the day (before lunch). The ALC folks do a great job making this feel awesome. I climbed a hill and at the top was an AMAZING California view. That’s where I took a moment to take some photos with “HALFWAY TO LA” signs. Of course, trying to plan that out to get everyone together isn’t that easy lol. Everyone rides at a different pace and so meeting up can be a challenge. Again, luckily is was early enough in the day that most everyone is still pretty close together. However, since we’re out in the middle of nowhere, phone/data service is very shotty. Text messages don’t go through and actually phone calls follow suit. The halfway point is a bit of chaos, too – everyone is trying to get their friends together to take pics. After some work, we figured it out.

There is a really steep/fun downhill that runs for a solid 10 miles. You have to be really careful because you can really get some speed, but has some amazing views that you get to enjoy – just have to watch out for that crosswind! Unfortunately, someone got hurt at the top of the hill as they got started. They literally went down, and a couple of other cyclists did too. The rider had to be air-lifted out. It was scary – my clan had just made it down the hill and were taking more pics when we saw an ambulance going back up the hill; we knew that wasn’t good.

Later in the day at lunch, my friends noticed my cleats were worn way down on my shoes. I’ve not ever changed out a cleat before, so decided that I should wait until I’m back at camp so as to not waste too much time since it wasn’t totally worn away yet. That was one of the best decisions I made for the week, because swapping out my cleat on the morning of Day 5 turned out to be pretty interesting…

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Day 3 – Quad Buster

Getting ready for Day 3 is just as much of a blur as the other days. This day starts off strong and ends with a twist. This is the day of the Quad Buster hill. This is sold to all the cyclists as the day with the steepest, longest hill. For the record, I’m not sure how accurate that is – either the hills I thought were more difficult actually were more difficult, or I was just more fatigued later in the week. Haha. I suppose No one really knows except those that planned the route.

With Quad Buster being the challenge of the week, I had watched a lot of videos on AIDS/Lifecycle’s YouTube channel. In the videos there were people cheering, holding up signs so you’d know you were on Quad Buster, drag queens pushing cyclists up the hill that were struggling. It looked difficult and fun at the same time, so that’s where my head was at.

They had a rest stop strategically located a couple miles before QB. I overheard some guys saying that if it was your first time on QB, you should stop at the halfway/lookout point to take a break, then continue up (it’s just a tad over 2 miles worth of climb). So, I was listening and looking forward to taking that advice. I rolled out from the rest stop.

I approached a hill and started to climb, it appeared to be like any other hill so far. There weren’t any signs or people hinting that I was on QB. Low and behold, I passed the ‘halfway rest lookout’ and that’s when I realized, holy shit I’m on Quad Buster! I felt SO good! This was the part of the ride where I realized that I was in really good shape for the week. I can kill a hill better than all my friends and I was passing people to get up that climb like no one’s business.

When I got to the top, I felt the adrenaline hit me. It was just as euphoric if not more-so than rolling out from Cow Palace (starting line) on Day 1. I laid by bike down, looked around at all the other people celebrating. My friends were still behind me climbing. This was the first time during the week that riding brought tears came to my eyes. It was so beautiful!

As the day went on, I realized something else. The food and snacks while healthy and delicious, weren’t doing it for me anymore. I started to dislike food. I wanted pizza, french fries, a burger – anything else. It became more and more difficult to eat. My stomach felt like it was shrinking. I’m beginning to resent food a bit – it’s becoming fuel instead of something I enjoy. I have ALWAYS enjoyed food. I like taking my time to eat it, talk to my friends, savor it – and even when I eat fast, I enjoy it. However, when I know there is a clock ticking it becomes a lot less enjoyable!

I fell behind towards the end of this day, and my friends all finished before me. Tonight is a hotel night! Or as the riders call it, ‘Princessing’ lol. Let’s talk about how this all went down for a minute…

I crossed the finish line, and there was chocolate milk. OMG it was so delicious. It was one of the things that was probably one of the ‘do it in moderation’ types of things for the week. No french fries, but chocolate milk. I suppose this will have to do for now. I get wrapped up and again have to orient myself to where everything is at this camp. I’m learning that I’m hot a huge fan of camp being laid out different every day. The signs they make are very helpful but most of the time, I can’t find the signs!! I make it to the gear truck, call Munoz and he tells me where to go to get picked up to go to the hotel. Either Munoz can’t give good directions (in his defense he was there for 5 minutes) or I am too exhausted to understand them, but I wind up in the totally wrong place and have to backtrack to get picked up. This may not sound like a big deal, but when you’re hauling all your gear and clothes with you, it’s not fun. Thank god for the Gear Truck Roadie that gave me a tip: only take what you need for that night when you princess – that way you don’t haul your entire 70 lb. bag to the hotel when really you only need about 6 lbs. of that.

I get to the hotel and Munoz meets me with open arms. God bless him. I needed that shit as I was SO exhausted and aggravated. I showered up, and we went for BBQ dinner. I’m not a huge fan of BBQ but I found some delicious pork chops and margaritas on the menu. It really only took one drink and I was drunk. Something I’ve never experienced in my life lol. I got to eat with my team Arkansas people, and they were awesome and way better to me than I deserve. They toasted me at dinner as being their captain. I mean, talk about plugging away at my sensitive heart! I won’t go into all the gory details, but being a captain that took over after another left our team was extremely difficult. I’m not going to blog about that – but if you want to know, just ask!

Went back to the hotel and Munoz went out with friends. I wanted to go out and party too, but it wasn’t in the cards. Wound up getting into a disagreement with Munoz over that. I’m going to blame that on the alcohol and lack of sleep. This is the one night of the week I got the best night of sleep, though! I was in bed before 8:30 and slept until 4. I felt like a rock star the next morning.

But the next morning did not prove to be a day that looked fondly upon rock stars…

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Day 2 – Groundhog Day

Woke up this morning at 4am feeling pretty good. While a bit tired, I think the adrenaline is what really woke me up since this is the first morning in a tent. The mattress pad I bought did the trick. It lost a little bit of air overnight, but the valve was right next to my head and I was able to easily air it back up without even getting up! #lazy

I’m realizing now I haven’t actually done a good job packing my bag. As someone that prides himself in organization, it was not near as organized as I thought. My gear bag as become a swimming pool of clothes in ziplock bags, which is fine and I followed instructions. What I did NOT do a good job of was putting together the other things I would need each morning. Toothbrush, suntan lotion, GoPro batteries, etc. – which means I will spend too much time trying to get this stuff together. As my tent mate Munoz would say, I have a difficult time ‘getting my life together’…

Made it to breakfast on time, and boy are the food options good. There is so much there; if you can’t find something to eat you’re doing it wrong. The entire time I’m thinking to myself, I hope I didn’t get a ticket yesterday. You see, I also pride myself as one that follows the rules – especially when it comes to safety. On Day 1, I didn’t realize I was breaking a big rule – which is to look over your shoulder for traffic before passing another cyclist. For those of you that don’t know, I’m extremely auditory. I hear the strangest things at long distances (yes I know, half the time I don’t hear what you’re saying when you’re sitting right in front of me, but just go with me here). So what that means for me when I ride: I can always tell when a car is coming. I hear the tires/engine and what-not, so often times on Day 1, I used my ears instead of my eyes. A few of my friends called me out on this just as I made a dangerous passing without looking AND one of the event cars was the car that could have hit me if they weren’t paying attention. Now I am convinced that I’m going to get a ticket.

When you get at ticket, they pull your bike from bike parking and hold it in what everyone calls “bike jail”. You have to go and talk to them, find out what you did wrong, then they will give you your bike back. If you break the same rule another day, your bike is pulled for the whole day (you can’t ride). If you break that rule again then you’re done for the week. I certainly didn’t want to start off that way, so as you can imagine, my mind was in another place all through breakfast.

Lucky for me, I got to bike parking and I didn’t have a ticket – but the bike next to me got pulled. It’s all done by number, so technically they got it right – however, what’s ironic is that they pulled my friend that told me I was breaking the rules. Sorry, Daniel *shrug emoji goes here*.

As soon as we got ready to roll out, and I tapped my booty on the seat, I realized how tender I was and thought ‘oh boy, that’s sore’. I don’t think I’ve ever been that sore. I found a way to adjust and get comfortable and rolled out for the 109 mi ride day. While I didn’t do horrible, I certainly wasn’t pumped about how the day went. I’m still not figuring out how to stay ahead of the day and not be too far back. Almost every rest stop I get to, I only have 30-40 min to snack, use the bathroom, rest, and get moving again. Don’t get it twisted, I’m doing better than a lot of folks but just not as well as I would have liked.

This was the day of the Otter Pop Stop, which is an un-official rest stop. I was so sad that I only got to spend about 20-30 minutes here, because it was one of the ‘party’ stops where there is music, people dancing, and they hand out those little frozen ice popsicles you cut open with scissors. This is one of my first performance regrets of the week. Everyone is having so much fun, and started the fun before I did.

I finished the day, and again felt accomplished. Now I’m thinking it’s time to rinse and repeat: set up tent, shower, and eat dinner. However, my tent mate made it to camp faster than me, and he texted me when I was about 30 minutes from camp to tell me he already set up the tent for us. Talk about an awesome dude! The rest of the evening becomes fuzzy. I’m exhausted mentally and physically. I notice that everyone else seems to be in good spirits. I’m not in bad spirits, but I just don’t know where everyone is getting their energy from. I trained well for this ride and this was a long day, but I’m figuring out I’m not doing something quite right.

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Day 0.9 and Day 1 – The Ride Begins

Intro: This (and the other posts about days on the ride) are look-backs. I actually took my iPad and a durable keyboard to blog each evening from my tent. Can I just say that idea was precious? It really was cute wasn’t it? There was no way in HECK that was going to happen. After you read these blogs in order, I think you’ll understand why. Oh, and disclosure. This entry is LONG. Lots of things going through my mind on Day 1.

Day 0.9 – I didn’t sleep well the last night before the ride. I laid in bed with my best friend, Strobl. I laid there fighting back the feels that wanted so badly to show themselves. I’d finally made it to the night before the ride. I was in San Francisco in a hotel with my best friends, ready for the ride. It’s after 11pm and I still can’t get to sleep because I’m on the verge of losing it. My breathing gets difficult because every time I start to breathe in, I feel like I’m gong to cry. Strobl asks if I’m okay after hearing my breathing a few times and I tell him yeah, and that I’m just really happy and I’m glad he’s there to go through this exciting, life-changing adventure with me. He agrees, also saying he’s fighting the feels and says that he’s really proud of us and we’re going to do great. I agree with him, but it’s still so hard to relax. Eventually, I roll over and fall asleep.

Day 1 – It’s 4am and time to wake up. For those of you following along at home, I hate waking up early. No really, I hate it. My body is like, ‘no thanks Josh’. Little did I know I’d be waking up at 4am every day for the rest of the week. Clearly I didn’t think that part all the way through, but it’s a little too late to worry about that now.

I wake up, and start getting around. I wake up Strobl and attempt to wake up Munoz. Munoz loves his sleep a little more than I thought he did. He continued to snooze until he really had to get up. I’ll tell you though, that guy knows how to get himself together in the morning with very little time. It’s impressive to watch and it’s something I saw over and over throughout the week. The three of us and another friend get our lives together, check out of the hotel, call an Uber, take a pic and roll to Cow Palace. As we approach Cow Palace the driver starts to ask what we are doing and we explain the ride to him. This was a very exciting explanation and a story we would tell over and over and over throughout the week. Talk about an easy way to generate awareness! We get to the parking lot and it feels like organized chaos. The ALC workers and volunteers know exactly what everyone should be doing but those Uber drivers and other newbies (like me) sure don’t lol. Ariana Grande’s brother was in the Uber in front of us – so that was interesting to see him climb out of that van and realize he’s also doing the ride.

We get our gear out of the Uber, walk to the gear trucks for the first of many times that week, dropped our gear at the gear truck and headed to get breakfast and attend the opening ceremony. We were running around with our heads cut off and walked in just as the opening ceremony started, which was perfect timing. We found the rest of our team. Finding them was really cool – it was like finding your family clear across the country. I felt relaxed for the first time all morning. The ceremony ended, the organizers opened the ride route and cyclists started to head to bike parking for their bikes. Others, like us, made one last minute pit stop before rolling out. We did our best to stay together (Arkansas friends from Team Walmart) and we rolled out together. We were towards the back of all cyclists when we rolled out. I ran my GoPro and can’t wait to share that footage with you.

Rolling out of the starting line was like something out of a movie. The cheering, signs, smiles, positivity – it’s something I’ve never experienced in my life. It was like being on stage. I’ve always been a watcher. I’ve been the one that is outside the barricade, waving at people as they went by – but this time, I’m the guy getting the waves and cheers. Everything looks different from this perspective, much more so than I thought it would. While it was so exhilarating, it was also surreal. I knew I was in the right place but still had a hard time believing we were finally doing it. When we started down the street and the crowds thinned out, all I could do was lock in my smile and look at my other cyclists from my team. We were doing it!

I’m pretty sure adrenaline kept me going the first 10-20 miles. I hadn’t ridden my road bike in over two weeks, and it was effortless. Then came the ocean views. Much of Day 1 was on HWY 1 which runs down the beach. It was absolutely breath-taking and beautiful. Views that I would not get tired of all week; and dare I say, may have taken for granted in the middle of the week as I tried to keep good time and get through all the hilly miles.

Lunch was at the top of an overlook out onto a beach. All of Team Walmart got there about the same time. We were all wearing our Walmart kits, sitting together, talking about the day so far. It was a really neat time and one of the only times the entire team was together that week. I think forcing everyone to start at the same time that morning helped keep us together on Day 1.

I got to camp that evening, closed out my Strava and feel so accomplished. I made it through Day 1. In that moment I’m trying not to think too much about Day 2,3,4,5,6 and 7 at this point although a slight feeling of being overwhelmed enters my body and quickly leaves. Honestly there isn’t much time to be stressed about riding, there is so much to do! We get to camp, get our gear bag and tent to set up camp. Camp is HUGE. Of course with over 2,300 riders (two to a tent) that makes for a big field of tents. Each of us is assigned a letter which corresponds to the truck where we get our gear and the tent grid where we pitch our tent. I was L7 for the week so I visited the L truck and camped in row L on the tent grid. VERY organized but of course it has to be with this many folks. Once the tent is up, we debate at length if we should eat or shower first. Taking showers first won (thank goodness).

Once I’m all relaxed, I met another rider and chatted with him at his tent a bit. Really nice guy named Michael – he’s the first person I really met and we continued to chat on and off throughout the week, but only on text message. He’d done the ride multiple years which I thought was really cool for as young as he was…pretty sure he was in his late 20s and had ridden 6 years in a row.

The anticipation for Day 2 didn’t let me get to sleep that early. I think I laid down to relax in the 10:30-11pm timeframe. That was par for the course all week long, though this may have been one of my ‘early’ nights, believe it or not. My tent mate, Munoz, is really awesome. It wasn’t obvious this early in the week, but this dude only gets more awesome as the week goes on.